Searching for my Roots, Part 2

Wow.

I have to admit to still being a bit gobsmacked by this whole situation.


Not only have I found my birth mother, I've found an aunt, a grandmother, and three siblings.

Who'd have thought?

I've been communicating with my birthmum through Facebook, and it's a little strange just how similar we are. And the "cat thing" I have going? Apparently it's genetic, 'cuz she's a total cat person, too. We have fairly similar tastes in reading, though I tend more towards high fantasy and sci-fi with a smattering of romance (though I'm not above reading trashy novels -- sometimes a trashy novel is just the right thing! ^_^')

This is really exciting. A bit scary. But in a good way.

We're putting together a photo album for T., and I want to make the cover myself. Like, not a picture of me on the cover, but a piece of my own artwork. Something special.

But my first priority should be getting through the quarter. *sigh*

Life is Interesting, Part Two

So you'll remember I posted about Ian a while back. And if you follow my facebook you'll know we're together. Yes, as in "in a serious relationship". Well, what you don't know is that there's a huge history here.

I am completely head-over-heels for him. And I have been for 12 years, most of which was spent in total denial. (Go, me.)

And I've been thinking. I'm not one to ascribe things to "fate" or "destiny". I prefer logical explanations, hell, I'll even accept "coincidence" over "meant to be". But this? This is way too perfect to be anything but fate or destiny. And that kinda scares me.

Okay. It really scares me.

Not because he's, like, perfect for me. Not because this is moving kinda fast. And not because the pieces are all falling in to place.

But because I'm actually feeling something. Well... other than numb, that is. I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a very long time -- since before The Jackass, actually. And it scares the living hell out of me that I'm capable of this depth of emotion.

Total love and acceptance. Not only am I feeling this way, he's... very much loving and accepting of me as I am.

Why does this scare me so much?

After dealing with The Jackass, and the abuse, after everything I've seen, why does this scare me?