06 February 2011

Searching for my Roots

I'm adopted.

In and of itself, not a big deal. I've bonded quite well with my family, and life... well... life has been the usual wild ride with ups, downs, crazy twists, and the occasional loop thrown in for giggles.

I just hit one of those loops, and it's a twisty-upside-down-and-backwards loop.

I've wondered, over the years, just where I came from, which of my birth-parents (and extended birth family) I take after, all that good stuff that most people never have to even think about. I've toyed with the idea of finding them. I've even hoped to find them.

So, heading into the search, I wasn't expecting much of anything. Really, I was fully expecting dead-ends and a big fat NOTHING at the end. I had hope, sure. But hope doesn't answer questions or put the missing pieces in the puzzle.

Two weeks later, after reaching out to a woman we thought might be my aunt... we've found them. We found my birth family.

I know, cue "shock" reaction. It gets weirder... and happier... and I feel like I'm starring in a Lifetime movie-of-the-week, here, with all this everything-working-out-in-the-end happy shit going on.

T. (my birth-mum) wants to get/stay in touch with me!

*sits down*

How am I supposed to deal with this?

Do I want to have contact with my ever-expanding family? YES!

Am I prepared for the potential emotional fallout? Notsomuch. And I don't wanna go stepping on toes and opening old wounds, either.

Honestly, I guess I'm just scared shitless, and have a big fat case of the "What Ifs".

And the fact that I'm still waiting for it all to sink in is not helping matters at all.

Paging Rod Serling...