30 January 2010

Life is Interesting, Part Two

So you'll remember I posted about Ian a while back. And if you follow my facebook you'll know we're together. Yes, as in "in a serious relationship". Well, what you don't know is that there's a huge history here.

I am completely head-over-heels for him. And I have been for 12 years, most of which was spent in total denial. (Go, me.)

And I've been thinking. I'm not one to ascribe things to "fate" or "destiny". I prefer logical explanations, hell, I'll even accept "coincidence" over "meant to be". But this? This is way too perfect to be anything but fate or destiny. And that kinda scares me.

Okay. It really scares me.

Not because he's, like, perfect for me. Not because this is moving kinda fast. And not because the pieces are all falling in to place.

But because I'm actually feeling something. Well... other than numb, that is. I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a very long time -- since before The Jackass, actually. And it scares the living hell out of me that I'm capable of this depth of emotion.

Total love and acceptance. Not only am I feeling this way, he's... very much loving and accepting of me as I am.

Why does this scare me so much?

After dealing with The Jackass, and the abuse, after everything I've seen, why does this scare me?

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