13 November 2013

Depression and Anger

Perhaps the hallmark of this sort of anger, like the intense forms of irritability, fear or despair, is that they perpetuate themselves. After a while, they simply take over. You’re raging, irritable, intensely anxious or despairing for no apparent reason. Or if there is a reason at the beginning, the distorted emotions keep going without letup. They have a life of their own.
--- From Depression and Anger: A Destructive Partnership

So... this struck a nerve.

How many times have I screamed "I'M NOT ANGRY", when, to all outward appearances, I've gone right off the fucking rails into Angryville?

How many times has my anxiety manifested as HULK SMASH?

I can't even count the number of times I've just straight up snapped at people for no reason beyond "you are existing in my space". (It's so, so very stupid of me, I know!)

All that, and it turns out to be my own fear, insecurity, and anxiety masquerading (quite effectively!) as anger.

I'm not angry.

I'm fucking scared and overwhelmed and (re)acting on pure instinct -- and I end up angry and frustrated at myself for not being able to just "snap out of it".


  1. I. KNOW. WHAT. YOU. MEAN.......but the more we recognize it, the easier it becomes to *shift* our minds to the truth of the situation at hand. At least that is what worked for me.

    One of the greatest helpful questions to ask myself....when freaking the fuck out internally (I didn't act out all that much on the outside)....was "Will it kill me"? Will it kill me to walk into a crowd of unknown people? No. Will it kill me to look for a new job? No. Will it kill me to ask for forgiveness? No. Will it kill me to start a good habit? No. Will it kill me to learn how to really love myself? No. It just takes doing things differently and slowly but surely grow more brave and secure step by step in a new direction.

    Thank you for sharing, thank you for you writing your thoughts, your truth.

  2. *scritches*

  3. Hi, wmdkitty. I must admit, your apologetics are amazing. Especially how "F*** you" is your best argument.


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