This popped up in my feed today, and holy crap. So many of these pissed me off as a child, and still do as an adult.
01. Why? Because I said so, that's why!
Sure, if you're raising yourself a little unthinking Authoritarian automaton. But no. Unquestioning obedience to authority is a really, really bad thing to teach a child, because it puts the child in a position where they cannot refuse an authority figure. *cough*Catholic priests*cough* And, speaking for myself, I was (and am) more likely to listen, consider, and cooperate when given a good, solid, sensible reason for something. I think, with children, it's important to start early, teaching critical thinking, how to question, and how to find the answers.
02. I'm going to give you until the count of three!
No you're not. You're going to get to two, and start counting in ever-shrinking fractional increments towards three until you get fed up with it or just can't do the maths anymore. You know the routine: "One. Two. Two and a half. Two and three quarters. Two and seven eighths. Two and fifteen sixteenths."
03. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
Yeah, then it's hilarious! (Aah, Schadenfreude...)
04. I don't know is NOT an answer.
Yes it is. It's an honest answer, too; damn sight better than "Goddidit". Seriously, parents, brush up on your fallacies and don't use bad arguments with your children. Teach them how to think.
05. I would never have talked to my mother like that.
This is straight up Tone Trolling, and while I'll agree that one should show at least a minimal level of respect for their family, I've heard too much from too many people about "tone" and "if you [feminists/atheists/PoC/LGBT/other oppressed minorities] weren't so angry, people would listen" to really be comfortable with this statement. Politeness, civility, "tone" in general has it's place, yes, but sometimes, dammit, you just gotta get pissed off. If women hadn't been angry enough to stand up and demand the vote, we wouldn't have it. We also wouldn't have had the Civil Rights Movement. Or Stonewall.
06. I'm not running a taxi service.
No, but you did choose to have kids, and you did sign them up for activities (or allowed them to sign up for activities), and -- particularly in regards to the younger set -- you are at least partially responsible for their transportation. This line just isn't clever at all.
07. If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?
We all get the intent of this one, you know, resisting peer pressure, not "going with the crowd". I just feel like it could be phrased a lot better. Individuality is, and should be, more important than being another identically-dressed teenage clone.
08. Someday your face will freeze like that.
I'm sorry (no I'm not) but no, no it won't.
09. It hurts me more than it hurts you.
Ha ha ha no. Nothing hurts more than someone who is supposed to love you does violence to you. I firmly believe that one can discipline a child without using fear or violence to gain compliance.
10. Bob. Sue. Joe. Fido. Whatever your name is...
No. Just no. Hell no. I can't even. I don't have the words to even describe how dehumanizing this one is.